[Wednesday Ramblings] I’m sad, angry, and frustrated not depressed
That might sound like denial, but that’s the truth. Its not like there’s some mystery as to why I’m in such an emotion hole right now. Its because of my work situation. My increasingly unbearable job where, now, if I’m not at the computer I’ll get called and called again if I’m not on in five minutes. In fact, I got called on my wedding day, just so you know. They called me. on. my. wedding. day. That’s not just outside of business hours, that a day off. Like, that’s beyond inconvenient and bordering on harassment. And its not just the invasion of my personal life that’s the issue. I’m behind on Stonecoast work, behind on sleep, and so stressed out that I’m putting on weight again. I can’t go to the gym or even just for a walk without fear that no sooner do I start that I’ll get interrupted and have to return home just to sit at my desk until they’re done being at work–or more typically, they assign me vague work and then log off so I can’t get clarification and I have to wait until the next day anyway.
And I’m not the only one, the other two guys left on the team have the same raw deal, neither of them get off much before 8 most days. The situation at work has gone from tight to unacceptable and I will jump on the first opportunity to leave….except its more complicated than that. With an apartment that costs 1200 a month plus internet, phones, the other utilities, its not like I can just quit–or I would have months ago. It also means I have to be making about the same as what I’m making now if any switch is going to be plausible. AAAAnd becuase I have a liberal arts degree anywhere I could work skills isn’t interested in me. Jobs that would hire people with my degree aren’t willing to look at me either because I have no experience doing things that aren’t tech work–mostly because I paid for college out of pocket as much as I could and the jobs I could get into at the time were tech jobs.
So it just spirals, such that it very well looks like depression from the outside–but its just a carefully constructed house of cards that’s slowly falling in on itself. Eventually things will change, i just have to be Zen about it.
Anyway, next week I’ll try to be less dour.