[Strongly Jaded Gamer] Pre-Escapist Expo jitters

Next weekend I’m at Escapist Expo. This will be the first con’ I’ll be going to not to spectate, not to experience, but to meet people. Needless to say, I’m nervous as hell. I’m hardly prepared for what will be my first real attempt to break into the industry. I don’t have anything to show design wise. I don’t have anything to show publishing wise. It’s not like I’m an established pro player. I’m just…a fan.

That’s not to say fan’s aren’t important, they’re what power our consumption based cultures and in the rapidly changing landscape of the internet, fans have more voice than ever. Even so, it’s still hard to cross the divide between fan and creator–if anything, it’s gotten bigger with the growth in proximity. League’s a great example of this paradoxical closeness. Even though much of the Riot staff hangs out on the  forums and interacts with the player base, they’re still highly limited in what they can say that isn’t just typical PR. Further, they have to say it so often that it’s as if they’re cold and distant instead of what they really are, players trying to meet and hangout with other players. Players who want to be excited about the game they’re playing.

I feel its much the same with any pseudo-competitive hobby. As the spoilers for RtR ramp up, I have this giddy feeling every morning. What cards are going to be revealed? What new ways are the guild mechanics going to be twisted? Will there be something cooler than a plant zombie? Most of these cards have been through development months ago, they were designed even further back. I’m sure designers and developers want the feedback that players have, but they can’t gush over what’s coming next until the very last moment–and by then speculation’s ruined the shiny feeling. Like all the angst over another version of Jayce or the cycle of uncounterable rares. By time they can talk, it’s no longer one player talking excitedly with their friends about the next big thing in the same game they all play, it’s people grumping over how broken a single card is.

And yet, despite the hurdles, despite having to bottle excitement like a fine wine to be opened later, I want nothing more than to be on the other side, to be someone who gets to see thousands or more enjoying my work–even if its just one level, just one card, or even just one line of text. Failing that, I want to be that guy who’s excited about the new things and how they’re going to change the format. Growing up I wanted to work at Nintendo Power for just that reason. It’s why I want to shoutcast. It’s why I want to open an LGS (local game shop). And it’s why I’m going to Escapist Expo to meet people.

Because as much as I enjoy being jaded, I miss being excited. I miss feeling awed by a game. I miss…a lot of things really. Except, I’m starting to find them again. Even as work piles on and I feel even more trapped by my situation, I’m starting to feel whole again, in a way I haven’t felt since before High School. This blog is part of that. Writing is part of that. Having Rei in my life is part of that. And now playing Magic at a place where people know me and are, for the most part, happy to see me is part of that.

Anyway, I guess what I’m asking is wish me luck. Because at this point, it’s about all I’ve got going for me. That, and excitement

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About Trevor Gulley

Trevor Gulley is a writer, cartoonist, and gamer. He works full time in the IT industry and judges Magic most weekends.

Posted on 09/07/2012, in Gaming, Strongly Jaded Gamer and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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