[Wednesday Ramblings] So then…

Check out all my RamblingsIts a weird, the feeling that I’ve been having recently. I’m sort of content and at the same time, rather restless. I’m full of energy and at the same time totally exhausted. It probably has to do with the fact that today I am twenty five and aside from accomplishments that most people of my generation can claim, I’ve not really done all that much with my life.

I mean, yes, I’m the first of my family to graduate college while going full time. I’m also the first to get into Graduate school, but those don’t feel like accomplishments…not when I’ll pretty much be paying for them the rest of my life. It probably doesn’t help that my degree is apparently useless in a job market that wants engineers and programmers with BS and MS degrees and must not care for grads with 3 years of experience and what amounts to a BA in analytical thinking.

But its not like I can quit my current job to pursue my hobbies more aggressively, make them more than hobbies. Heck, I’m lucky to get my MFA packet done on time, much less do extra work drawing or writing or playing near enough Magic to improve to pro level. Well, I could. I could sleep less (and I’m working on that) , but that’s only short term solution. Really, I need to groundswell, get people interested in what I have to say. I need to get the Deckbuilding Game finished, I need to actually draw a comic and stay on it, and I need to fucking write. Some days, it feels like that’s working…others, not so much. Hell, there are days where I wonder if the blog is even worth typing into. Is anyone (besides Nhat, Family, and spambots) even looking at it? I never hear from anyone. I’d take trolls if it meant that someone was aware that I was half-killing myself.

I mean, yes, by and large I’m not very interesting. For the most part, I’m a by the numbers kind of guy–but I’m by the numbers in so many places I end up with non-by the numbers synergy. Really, my depth in nearly every skill comes down to about the same level. In magic, its building decks that are super efficient at making creatures and turning them sideways. That’s about where I am at drawing. That’s about where I am at writing. I will probably never draw high level fantasy art, I’ve not invested the years into it to make something out of it, but I can sketch what are vaguely human shapes. While I might not be able to spin yarns nine layers deep about political intrigue or symbolic value, I can write a scene of two character’s conversing that feels real. Like I have skill, but not enough to make it stand out. Synergy is my way out and synergy is my strength…

Now to just fucking do.

See ya’ll Friday!

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About Trevor Gulley

Trevor Gulley is a writer, cartoonist, and gamer. He works full time in the IT industry and judges Magic most weekends.

Posted on 11/08/2012, in Rants, Wednesday Ramblings and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. It’s a tough market out there. I have spent the past few years trying to salvage my sense of dignity and whatnot. For instance, I am a journalism school graduate. Imagine how much crap I have been put through in a world that is starting to move on from traditional journalism? It’s not a leveled playing field … let me tell you.

    At the the end of the day, I try to rebuild myself every day as I slowly, but surely, figure out who I need to become for the near future.

    Don’t feel discouraged – we all are. Bouts with doubt are a dime a dozen these days.

  2. Only 25, Trevor. You’re creative and resourceful, so cut out the “I’m not very interesting” crap.

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