Where Things Are and The Fear of Soapboxing
Posted by Trevor Gulley
- Finished my master’s Thesis.
- There’s just one signature and some time in the mail between it and the 12/20 deadline.
- I still need to reread my 3rd semester project to figure out my presentation and figure out where from my thesis I’ll be reading
- Been to two interviews.
- One for a position I was working on before I got laid off and the other at my LGS.
- Applied all over the place
- Seriously, I’ve got apps in places I’ve wanted to work at in all parts of the country. Haven’t heard anything back yet though…
- Played some games of Magic with Steam Goblin an Izzet tempo build which is pretty close to the Izzet Fae I’m playing in modern.
- Started a fresh run through Dark Souls as a Tanky Knight with an eye on PVE.
Even so, I don’t feel like I’m making any headway.
The job search still feels like I’m just shouting into the internet and hoping to be heard. I think it’s because I don’t look all that outstanding on paper and in an interview setting I’m a terrible bundle of nerves. Although I’m sure not updating this or forgetting about my other outlets/platforms/what have you isn’t helping. I’ve just never really been a huge social person and social media doesn’t really improve that. I don’t feel that I am any more worth listening to now than when I didn’t have a blog, or an MFA, or when I was employed. To me, I’m not living a life that will provide some massive insight to others. I suffer and scrape by, just like any other college grad that’s looking for work.
And, sure, I realize there’s a chicken/egg paradox about becoming someone that has a reason for people to listen to them, but it’s hard to get past the cynicism that wells up when I see people who have no idea what they’re talking about get up in front of millions and spout nonsense. I might have smaller, perhaps even non-existent, audience…but I don’t want to be that kind of person. When dealing with strangers, it’s far more in my nature to listen, to observe, and maybe ask some questions to better understand, but I’ll typically just move along–especially on the internet. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve typed out what might as well be the introduction of a ten page research paper as a comment only to say to myself, ‘Nah, not worth it.’
Maybe the realization that, in some small aspect, I’ve got a set of things I can talk about with authority will sink in once I’ve given my presentation. Which I need to go work on.
About Trevor GulleyTrevor Gulley is a writer, cartoonist, and gamer. He works full time in the IT industry and judges Magic most weekends.
Posted on 12/12/2013, in Gaming, Slice of life and tagged anxiety, apathy, blog post, life update, sketch, social media. Bookmark the permalink. Comments Off on Where Things Are and The Fear of Soapboxing.
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